Touching Base

With my special project about to wrap up, I'm feeling very Dobby-ish myself. My growing free time still feels a little surreal and I've never been happier to tap out a blogpost.

Anyway, this little pleasure aside, the last few months saw me trying to finally come to grips with my anxiety. I remember being 6 or 7 years old and running several worst case scenarios through my mom, who just promptly laughed them off and mocked my anxiety.

Gee, thanks mom!

I'm not blaming my mom though, because she only reacted the way her elders before her did. It was the only way she knew. So I grew up trying to downplay my anxiety, denying it (as well as other feelings) and chastising myself for feeling the way I did. I eventually became a classic case of someone with high-functioning anxiety.

Sadly, this is not the post where I can smugly say that I've successfully overcome my anxiety. I don't even know if I'll ever reach that stage where I can tap out that post. But my acknowledgement of my anxiety together with a conscious effort to assess my feelings (as well as the feelings of others), and not just automatically invalidating them as I used to do, feels like a big step towards the right direction. 

If there's anything that I'm grateful for with this pandemic, it's that mental health finally got the attention and validation it deserves. Mental health is real and "sucking it up" does not solve anything.

My mind still teems with swirling thoughts and I don't think that will ever change. However, I now choose to face the negative thoughts head-on and then remind myself of what are within my sphere of influence, focusing only on those within my control for my continued sanity. Wash rinse repeat ad infinitum. Again, this is a work in progress, I am a work in progress.


Oh Jill. I tick all the boxes too and have been struggling with it for years now. Exercise, meditation and acknowledging it have all helped me. I hope you do find peace of mind and get to a place of quiet and acceptance.
Jillsabs said…
Thank you! I've long acknowledged the presence of anxiety in my life, so it's really a matter of managing it. Exercise and lots of quiet time help keep my mind still.

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